


Don't Say Boyfriend

by natigail



Series: Phan Reality One Shots [6]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Boys In Love, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Falling In Love, First Meetings, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, From 2009 to 2017, LGBTQ Themes, Love, M/M, Phan through the ages, Wordcount: 1.000-5.000, YouTuber Dan Howell, YouTuber Phil Lester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-13
Updated: 2017-10-13
Packaged: 2019-01-16 23:08:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12352434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natigail/pseuds/natigail
Summary: “Yes, I did get you one because I’m a good friend, Dan.”“My friend Phil encouraged me to start YouTube.”“Dan, do you want to move in together?”“I’d never had a best friend before Phil.”“I spend the majority of the year with another person.”“You are next to me… in life”***Never say the word. Avoid it at all costs. Call him a friend, a best friend, a roommate, someone you live with, someone you work with, someone you long to talk to constantly, someone you touch gently, someone you gaze at fondly, someone you couldn’t be without, oh…Perhaps, the word didn’t really matter that much after all.





	Don't Say Boyfriend

**Author's Note:**

> Firstly, a note I feel is important to write. I don’t normally write “reality” phanfics that explicitly state that they’re a couple (it feels different when I’m writing AUs). I prefer to show their love in a way that can be interpreted as either platonic or romantic but I got the idea for this little one shot and I just had to write it. Please don’t make this go anywhere Dan and Phil might see it (something I abide by with all my fics). It’s all fluffy but I think it’s so important that we don’t make them come across things that might make them uncomfortable. Also, I do in no way claim that this is a portrayal of reality. While I include real events, this is a fictional story! Sorry for the ramble and now enjoy (hopefully).

There were a lot of reasons why one should avoid that word. In the beginning before both of them had met each other, the mere prospect of the word had been scary. They were supposed to be the boyfriend in a relationship, not the one who had a boyfriend.

Attraction to the same gender probably felt like something very natural, until you got confronted with how the rest of the world sometimes negatively viewed it. People in the LBGTQ+ community didn’t instinctively grow shameful when they first felt their attraction. It was when someone told them that it was unnatural or wrong. In some cases, it would cause the person to shy away from it and never acknowledge that part of themselves, until much later. Shame is a learnt emotion.

However, by the time that Dan and Phil started talking to each other online, they weren’t as scared by that prospect anymore, even if that fear never quite goes away. Sure, it was different writing that you were bisexual on dailybooth and actually dating someone of the same gender out in the real world, especially because labels can change and grow to fit you.

And in the beginning when they started exchanging tweets and DMs, it was just innocent and the beginning of something that neither of them would have been able to grasp at the moment. It was an online friend, someone who lived hundred of kilometres away. But they didn’t let that deter them.

Written words exchanged turned into phone calls and hour-long Skype sessions. It was the flutter of butterflies in their stomachs when they saw each other on video for the first time. Dan had seen Phil in video before, of course, but it was different when Phil was right there, looking at him and responding to what he said.

It was in bloom by then. Something had just clicked between them and they were both so scared about the fragile bond between them. They had some years between them, they lived too far from each other and they could never know if it would work out. But they both desperately wanted it to work and so they held on.

“So I’m going to go to Manchester next week to stay with a friend for a couple of days,” Dan had told his mum as he helped clean up after dinner one night. He never did that and his mother had undoubtedly been expecting that he was about to bring something up. “If that’s okay?” he tacked on to be polite.

“I didn’t know you knew anyone in Manchester? Did one of your school friends move there?” she’d asked.

“No, it’s… you know that guy I mentioned? Phil. We’ve been chatting loads online.”

“The one you’re constantly on Skype with?”

Dan hadn’t known that his mother had known about that but of course, she’d noticed.

“Yeah, that’s him. And I know about the whole stranger danger but Phil really is who he says he is and… he’s nice.”

“You’re eighteen, you can go see your… friend if you’d like, Dan,” his mother had said before turning her attention back on the dishes, which Dan then had promptly abandoned to run up to grab his phone and text Phil with the good news.

Meeting in person for the first time had been an out of body experience. Dan had come tumbling off the train, almost tripping over his feet and Phil had been standing there, anxiously looking around. There had been running feet and a collision of a way too overdue hug. That was when they had felt looks for the first time.

Two young boys hugging so earnestly in public? It shouldn’t have been weird but some people still didn’t think that boys were supposed to be sentimental and tactile with their friends. And that was what they had been then. They were just friends but they got a little taste of what it felt like to be observed.

By the time Dan got back on the train with great reluctance, the friend label didn’t quite fit anymore. He could still feel Phil’s lips on his while they were in the Manchester Eye, all caught up in their little world. Dan had never had a best friend before either but Phil had started to feel like that to him over all their texts, phone calls and Skype sessions. And for the first time in his life, he felt like Phil would put him first.

Phil had been watching Dan leave with melancholy and wondering how he could be so enamoured by the younger boy. When he’d started replying to Dan’s comments under his videos and his tweets, he could never have imagined how it would be to know the boy behind the lovely words. It was better than he had ever imagined, even if the distance now felt like an ache in his chest and he might have pulled out his phone to text Dan right away.

“How did it go with having your friend Dan stay over?” his mother had asked him later after they returned home.

“We had a really good time,” Phil had answered and he almost wanted to correct his mother but he couldn’t quite get himself to do it. But the mere thought of the word, the word that they had not yet set in stone because it was so early, made colour rise to his cheeks. His mother had looked at him with that knowing glance all mothers seemed to possess.

Throughout the autumn, winter and spring they didn’t go two weeks without seeing each other despite the large distance between them. They never tried to go any longer because even after just a week they missed the ability to reach out and fit their hands together or do things that should not be mentioned in public.

Their audiences on YouTube grew massively as they started appearing in each other’s videos. Phil is not on fire and AmazingDan was absolute hits, despite just being silly Q&As. Apparently, the chemistry between them were evident to their viewers. However, as their followers started to grow, the attention on them and most notably the “shipping” of them seemed a little overwhelming. They went back and deleted old embarrassing or suggestive exchanges between them that were public. They made a point to mention their _friendship_ a whole lot.

They were friends; best friends in fact, so it wasn’t a lie even if the label didn’t quite encompass all that they were. They had chosen to put themselves out there for the whole world to see but they didn’t have to give up their privacy or private relationship. It felt safer to have that as theirs to just treasure.

Dan moved to Manchester to start studying law. His family was pleased and only his little brother teased him if he was going to Manchester because it was close to his… you know, the word. He got a scholarship though and that was enough to at least keep his parents’ off his back. He knew they meant well but he felt the pressure to go to university and get a “proper” job a whole lot. Being near Phil was probably the only thing that would make the experience pleasurable.

Phil moved out a little later and Dan would start to be over at his a lot of the time. Phil’s flat was so much better than Dan’s dorm room. Phil didn’t mind having Dan around, not even when he showed up in the middle of the night with a defeated expression and a pile of dirty laundry. He welcomed Dan into his home, just like he’d done all the times before. Secretly, he loved having Dan around in the otherwise empty flat. He’d been used to living with people, first his family and then people in the university accommodation. It felt nice to have someone around to talk to.

Dan should have been studying for the re-sit exam when he broke down. By then, they had moved in together in a flat. It had felt like a very big step, even if they had tried to make it casual in their videos. Oh, they were just roommates because it was so much better and cheaper living together and Dan could get out of his dreaded dorm room. Right.

But Dan was eternally grateful for sharing a living space with Phil when he had his break down. It was like something had snapped within him and all the worries he’d been carrying around for month finally threatened to crush him. Phil was there in an instant, arms around him securely as Dan wept and tried to pull himself together.

In a video about it, months after the fact, this was represented by a gentle knee touch because Dan had insisted that it at least be represented a bit. They could hardly show how Dan had clung to Phil or Phil had peppered kisses on his tearstained cheeks while assuring him that everything was going to be okay. That wasn’t something for their viewers to see but they would be able to see the trend of Phil being there, every step of the way in the video. Dan had made sure of it.

Then came a call Phil hadn’t expected. BBC Radio 1 was reaching out to ask him if he wanted to do a two-hour show on Christmas. He was absolutely baffled and speechless at first but his first coherent thought came like a lightening bolt. He asked for a co-host. He knew there was a likelihood that they would just move on and drop him, it was the BBC after all and Phil was just AmazingPhil, a moderately popular channel on YouTube. But they listened as Phil explained why it would be a great idea to bring on Dan as well. After all, their videos together always did better than the ones they did separately. They played well off each other and furthermore Phil just knew it would be fun for Dan to be there with him. He didn’t really want to get this opportunity without pulling Dan along with him.

“We have to take it into consideration, Phil. But it might be a good idea to get your friend involved too. We’ll be in touch,” they had said when Phil had ended the phone call.

Dan was so much more than just a friend but it hadn’t been the right time to announce that to BBC Radio 1. Likely, they wouldn’t care. As long as they put on a good show, they shouldn’t care.

And put on a good show they did. Their online following flocked to BBC Radio 1 and they got amazing feedback. This led to them doing interviews at Edinburgh Festival together, while growing their channels and audiences. And amazingly, they eventually got offered their own weekly radio show on BBC Radio 1.

However, as amazing and exciting the opportunity was, it had some downsides too. It gave them a “proper” job in the entertainment industry but it also meant they were exposed to more traditional media, even if their late-night spot gave them some cover. This was also the time where their subscriber counts grew past 100,000 and started moving much more explosively. Shortly before launching the radio show, they also started a shared project when they agreed to make videos for MyDamnChannel on something they called the Super Amazing Project. It was weekly videos they did together. Initially, they had been scared of taking on a joint project like that but it felt wonderful to work with the person you cared the most for.

But gradually everything they did felt more watched and important and it was frightening and it took a strain on their relationship. They made the big move from Manchester to London and it was scary to be in such a big place where they were much more likely to run into someone when they stepped outside their door.

It didn’t exactly help that a certain private video leaked on LessAmazingPhil, which set forth a whole invasive analysis of their private life. They felt like their private secrets had been exposed. Damage control was initiated almost instantly but they had long ago learnt that what you put on the Internet can never quite be taken back. But their relationship and their sexualities in general wasn’t something that they wanted to talk about in the least.

In their mind, it didn’t matter. They were still just Dan and Phil.

But it did heavily influence they way they acted on camera and out and about in public. Something as simple as holding hands while out for a walk would never be possible for them and it hurt a little when they thought about it. A viewer might see them or someone who hated on boys loving boys might shout something.

Instead, much like avoiding a certain label, they developed their own little ways of staying close. It was an elbow nudge, a shoulder bump or a very sneaky and quick hand skimming across their backs. Maybe some would say that this was limiting them but it was their special way of keeping in touch and that was all that mattered. They knew what the things meant and if touching was out of the question for whatever reason, they could share everything with a quick glance.

Their own channels continued to grow and grow, past what any of them could have imagined. Their radio show was transformed, so that they would only do one a month while handing the baton off to other YouTubers for the rest of the three Sundays in a month. They had long ago abandoned the Super Amazing Project, upon realising that they now had enough financial stability to make their own projects instead.

And that was part of the reason that they decided to make joint channel that was theirs and it would feature something they had loved to do together from day one and it would be a place to produce content that wouldn’t need to be as polished as their main channel videos. DanAndPhilGAMES was born and it was extremely well received.

“We have a channel called Dan and Phil,” Dan had said with a shake of his head as they had uploaded the first video.

“You forgot about the GAMES part. Also we literally had a radio show called The Dan and Phil Show,” Phil had countered.

“I know but it’s just… odd? We’re Dan and Phil. It’s like we’re this common entity to so many people. Isn’t that weird?”

“No, it’s not Dan. If you haven’t realised, these past five years we’ve pretty much been Dan and Phil.”

Dan hadn’t been able to argue with that and he didn’t want to. Phil was right. They were Dan and Phil; a notion both of them had taken distance to initially. It was most out of fear that people would stop seeing them as separate individuals with unique ideas. It didn’t matter that they always did go to each other to work on said ideas before making them into something to show the rest of the world.

None of them mentioned how a joint channel was something people mostly did when they were a couple. You would have daily vloggers having a shared channel where they filmed their blissful domestic life or you’d have a gaming channel where the young couple built a family on Sims together. None of them wanted to dwell too much of how that matched A Day in the Life video or the vibe of their whole gaming channel. It was implicit and there for people to see but it wasn’t something they would ever state out loud.

But they did come pretty close to it. YouTubers had gotten into a trend of writing books and Dan and Phil had both somewhat rejected it at first but when the idea for The Amazing Book Is Not On Fire came about, they couldn’t help themselves. It was something to capture the world of Dan and Phil that both the boys and their viewers held so close to heart.

The book took blood, sweat and tears and it was a much bigger project than they had first realised. It might have something to do with the fact that they decided that the book needed to be accompanied by a stage show, which would eventually become worldwide.

For a bit, everything was TABINOF and TATINOF and eventually even the radio show was ended. They were so thankful for BBC Radio 1 but they were creating their own things now and everything about the book and the stage show had their personal touch.

Travelling around the world did complicate things a bit when people didn’t realise they shared a bed every night. There were some nerves about knowing some of their crew might realise and have to keep quiet about it. But they were not willing to keep their distance constantly when on the road. They stayed professional in rehearsal and while performing and meeting viewers but in the little quiet moment they drifted to each other for comfort. They missed their home and holding on to each other made them both feel a little better. They had chosen to stay beside each other, partners in life and in work and the lines were blurring with every single moment. It had taken a long time of ups and downs but gradually they began to care less about what people saw.

There was never anything explicit. Dan and Phil didn’t need to explicitly state it and they weren’t going to do it for the sake of clarity. There was enough evidence if one was paying attention but that was all they were willing to give.

When the second book came about, they thought this might be it. It was so obvious with all the photos that they had snapped of each other. There was a fondness and softness tat seemed to leap off the pages, at least when they themselves flipped through the finished book.

“We didn’t say it anywhere,” Dan had commented when they reached the end.

“But it’s pretty obvious,” Phil had finished for him. “That’s okay, though.”

Dan had gotten that fond smile he had always broken out in around Phil and he was getting worse and worse with handling it, as he had gotten older. Or perhaps, he’s just stopped caring so much. He could smile fondly at Phil if he wanted, even if their viewers would call him “heart eyes howell”.

Phil leaned in for a kiss, chaste and innocent and yet both of their hearts swelled a little. They had made two books and a tour that had been around most of the world and it was about to finish its final leg. Making videos had been somewhat neglected and they couldn’t wait to get that back in focus.

A year of domestic bliss followed the end of the tour. However, the bliss part only set in after they had settled in their new duplex after moving out of the flat where so many of their important projects had begun. Viewers had worried that they would move out separately and Dan and Phil had had a good laugh about that. They weren’t even sure they knew how to function with sharing a space anymore.

They had completely intertwined their lives over the past eight years. It had started with long distance and blooming love, to new beginnings and finally being close, to moving in together and a need for support, to amazing opportunities and a strained relationship, to learning the ropes and growing comfortable again, to a joint gaming channel and secret projects, to a book of their world and hard but rewarding work, to an amazing tour together and oh so many smiles, to finally domestic bliss and caring less what people thought of them.

But they still didn’t say the word. They didn’t need to because for so long it had become a way of life to refer to each other as something else or even just calling each other by their names without any indication of how they knew each other. They had begun to assume that if people had found one of them, they would find the other one pretty quickly too. They still had their separate channels and treasured them but often they invited the other to come on and be part of their videos. They could make it by themselves but getting the other involved always made it so fun.

It didn’t matter that they didn’t call each other boyfriends.

They were each other’s most important person. They were best friends, roommates, lovers, confidants and partners all rolled into one. Labels didn’t matter to them. All that mattered was the fact that they had each other.

Who said you needed to call the man, who was next to you in everything you did, anything? Where the word was withheld, one should take a look at the thousands of actions pointing towards the truth instead.

 

Words matter but love isn’t something that can be boiled down to a single label. They love each other. No one can question that if you watched them interact for more than a single minute. The fondness and affection is palpable in the air, as would the way they drift towards each other.

There is no need to put a label on the obvious.

**Author's Note:**

> [Reblog this one shot on tumblr](http://secretlywritingstories.tumblr.com/post/166368483914/dont-say-boyfriend-phan-one-shot)
> 
>  
> 
> I've never quite written a phanfic like this one before but I hope you liked it. I wrote it two days ago after I got thinking about the way Phil said something to Dan in the live show the day before. It's the first line in the summary but when he was live it sounded like he hesistated (very sightly) before saying friend and thus my mind took that information and decided it was time I wrote a reality fic where it was explicidly stated that they were together (which isn't my usual style as explain in the note at the beginning). It flowed well when I sat down and wrote it so I thought I would post it. Feedback is as always appreciated and feel free to check out my profile for more phanfics. 
> 
> You can also find me on tumblr [@secretlywritingstories](http://secretlywritingstories.tumblr.com) (my writing tumblr) or [@natigail](http://natigail.tumblr.com) (my all/fandom tumblr)


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